--In certain latitudes there comes a span of time approaching and following the summer solstice, some weeks in all, when the twilights turn long and blue. --Joan Didion
As we approach the solstice, the astrological weather this month speaks to the new moon in Gemini, Venus just entering fiery Leo and an approaching Mars in Retrograde. Gemini has me remembering the late 90’s when I started working at an independent bookstore in a small, university town. My first few months in the bookstore were uncomfortable in that almost everyone that entered through the door had an inquiry—a question. Most generally these bookstore goers wanted to know about a certain book, or if we could find a book, or if we could recommend a book for a certain mood, or friend or cousin’s daughter. For some reason in these first few months I thought I needed to have all this knowledge stored away in my brain. I discovered that I felt shame when I didn’t know the answer to an inquiry. Why I felt shame for not knowing most likely had a logical set of reasons extending back into my upbringing and personal expectations. This job, did, however bring me face to face with this question of knowing. What do I know? What should I know? When can I admit that I don’t know? What is my relationship to not knowing? It was clear that I had over identified with being someone who knew and that knowing was something my ego took pride in. I set out facing this little pocket of shame by practicing, over and over again, how to look someone in the eye and say, I don’t know.
In The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion speaks of how little she knew when it came down to grieving and dealing with life and death. We come to think that the pillars of truth we construct never evolve, never change. Gemini, helps us stay fluid with these substrates of knowledge so that we are able to move around when the time comes, to admit at any given time that we have MORE to learn, willing to see life more often as a teaching moment rather than a opportunity to parade what we already know.
...you find yourself swimming in the color blue: the actual light is blue, and over the course of an hour or so this blue deepens, becomes more intense even as it darkens and fades, approximates finally the blue of the glass on a clear day at Chartres...
Gemini New Moon Journaling
On this long twilight night as we approach the magical beginning of summer, bring pen and paper outside with a glass of cold water, find a tree. Sit next to that tree. Think about these questions.
1. Is it easy or difficult for you to admit when you don't know something?
2. Is there a place in your life right now where you can afford to live without the answer, to keep living the question so to speak?
3. What is your sincerest inquiry today? See that inquiry as a seed that you plant, track, and bring to fruition at the next full moon.
4. Is there a part of your personal story you are ready to write down, think about, tell someone?
5. What are your sources of news and information? Are you happy with these sources? Do you need an information fast or a switch to a new source?